Thursday, October 12, 2006

27 days



So it's been 27 days. Pronounced dead on the 15th. It was after midnight, so ... the 15th.

The time has both crawled past and keeps moving faster than I am ready for it to. Wait! I want to hold on to something! The sound of his voice, the smell of his after-shaving moisturizer. I have managed to throw away his toothbrush, but not yet put away the suitcases from the business trip he'd just returned from.

I have managed to knit a little bit. A bit of sock. This is one of those things I always did during the day while he was at work, or at night after he was asleep. Nothing odd about doing that without him.

And I thought I was going to be able to write something without crying. Wrong again.

I wish I had more to say. I've gotten all sorts of horrible things done. The big one to come will be choosing a headstone--more fun than you can shake a stick at, eh? And I can't actually do anything on that until I have the deed to the gravesite. I think. I also have the execrable task of asking my in-laws to pay for the flowers they'd wanted to pay for, now that I've finally received a bill from the florist for multiple hundreds of dollars more than I'd expected. Oh, yeah, they ordered flowers, too. Great.

Shit.

9 Comments:

Blogger Carole said...

I would hope that since they offered to pay you could just mention that you received the bill or something. All of this just sucks, Liz. The crying, the putting things away and dealing with bills and in-laws and life in general. It all just sucks and I'm sorry.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Lucia said...

I marvel that you are still holding together, still getting things done. I really wish there were something more I could do. I would even call your in-laws for you.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Lynne said...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the Father who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

~ Mary E. Frye ~

It was good to see you last night. One step at a time dearheart, one step at a time.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Jena the yarn harpy said...

Good luck with talking to the in-laws. You can make it a very simple phone call... ask how their flight home was... how they are feeling... then don't talk about the money aspect of it, but maybe just let them know that you have put the "invoice" in the post, as simple as that? Money is such an icky-sticky issue to talk about, even in the best of circumstances. :(

I admire your strength, Liz. I think that you are handling things admirably and as well as can possibly be expected. And when that strength ebbs a bit, you can always call, even if it's for someone to come share a bottle of wine and a mindless evening of movies or something. That's part of the deal that comes with friendship. :)

9:57 AM  
Blogger Ruth said...

You're doing so well, Liz. All this yucky stuff you have to deal with, and you're handling it all straight on.

I'm here. Your friends are here. Let us know what we can do.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Erica said...

I think of you and your family every day, Liz. I hope all of these odious tasks will end soon so that you and the kids can just focus on each other.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Slim Suzy said...

You are doing an amazing job in just surviving.

I would post the bill to the in-laws with a small note saying "thanks again for offering to pay for this".

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Amber said...

We all luuuurve you lady! Any time you need some pointless silly, you give me a holler. I'm excellent for these things, and no distance is too far to drive :)

3:44 PM  
Blogger Flemisa said...

I am just getting back to reading my blogs after a few weeks away.
I am so very, very sorry to read of the death of your husband. My heart aches for you and your family.
You are facing new requirements and new feelings every day. May you find the strength within you to deal with them. May you find strength from those who know you personally and those who just know you from your blog. May you find strength to mourn and to let others mourn in their own way. May you find strength for the next five minutes, take a deep breath, and then deal with the next five.

And may you find strength to continue making blog entries so you can let out some of your emotions and be open to those out here who are parying for you.

1:40 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home